Obviously, older adults who become widowed or have an adult child die get on the caregiving community’s radar right away. We notice these people, we acknowledge them in our faith communities, and we can participate in well-established rituals to join with them in their mourning. But for those who face the gradual loss of mobility or stamina, for those who are gradually losing their ability to live on their own without assistance from family or paid caregivers, and those whose “golden years” do not closely mirror the imaginations of their middle-aged years all face losses that are often not acknowledged. And there are no ceremonies that help us mourn the surrendering of a driver license or the loss of mobility.
That is why some of the questions in the above section: “How does your health compare…” or “What have been big disappointments…?” can prove so valuable. Ask them often—even of people who do not seem to have lost anything. You might be surprised at the number of invisible disabilities and losses with which older adults are living.
Celebrate the opportunities large blocks of time could represent. We have all heard the individual in her second year of retirement intone, “I have so much going on, I really don’t know how I ever had time to work.” I challenge new retirees in my friendship circle to carefully contemplate how to invest their newfound freedom in meaningful pursuits, lest we simply fill the schedule with things that do not matter. My wife encouraged me to say yes to no new opportunities during my first year as a retired professor and the discipline was helpful, so I encourage new retirees to be careful of what they commit to in the early months.
I find that now that I do not mentor students or prepare and teach classes at the university, I have far more time for reading, for meaningful interaction with our grandchildren and their parents, and for preparing each week for the small group Bible study I lead. If not careful, however, I could fill my days with watching television or mindlessly surfing the internet; I have, unfortunately, met quite a few seniors who did spend their retirement in such pursuits.
Goal setting on a quarterly and annual basis, as well as regular review of my progress on those priorities, is far more important today than when I was working full-time. If I am not intentional with the use of my resources—be they financial resources or minutes in the day—I will squander the time and financial assets at my disposal and not use either one for the benefit of those around me.
Journaling is one of those habits that help me reflect on what I am learning and how I am growing. Since I have journals dating back to 1984, I can see the progress (and the lack of progress) over a long period. Keeping a reading list and log is also necessary for me so that I do not delude myself into thinking I am reading more than I really am. This is especially important as we age because it helps maintain our cognitive acuity and helps us stay up to date on the current thinking in our field and in other fields, as well. I cannot easily mentor younger colleagues in this work if I am not keeping up with the latest thinking in end-of-life and bereavement care.
