Hello,

We have never met.  I saw your baby's obituary in the paper.  I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious daughter.  I especially notice the picture of the footprints  because my husband and I did the same thing in August 2005, when we had a stillborn son.  I was 32 weeks along and had not had any problems.  We still don't have any answers about what happened to Joshua.  The only people who I felt understood were people who had also lost a baby.  Unfortunately, there are a lot of us. I am also writing this letter to another mom who lost a baby.  I am a little tardy in sending this and I apologize.  I have 4 young children and don't always have the time to "go there" and revisit my grief.  Grief will sometimes sneak up on you slowly, and other times it feels like a quick punch and overtakes you when you least expect it.   This is normal.  My husband and I learned about the phases of grief at Griefshare which is held at several local churches.  You can find out more at www.griefshare.org.    It helped us work through the grief.  I was also given a couple of books.  A local author wrote "A Rose in Heaven", which is at Berean Bookstore.  I found great comfort in Max Lucado's  "Safe in the Shepherd's Arms". 
  My husband and I are born again Christians.    Losing Joshua totally rocked my faith down to the core.  I wasn't even sure I believed in God anymore.  A couple weeks after we lost Joshua, friends invited us to LCBC in Manheim.  I liked how the sanctuary was dark so we could cry our eyes out if we wanted to.  Also no one knew us, or why we were crying.  No staring, awkwardness, and all these people coming up to me constantly or saying things which were hurtful (though not intentional). I knew it was where we were supposed to be.  A place that God would use, to help our family heal.
There were certain things which really triggered my grief.   Seeing pregnant women, and of course little babies was sooo hard.  If I saw someone with an infant carrier, I walked the other way.  Only someone who went through this would really truly understand.  Some are so ignorant about this.  In fact, someone brought their little baby to Joshua's funeral!  A friend was due the same time I was.  I STILL cannot see their child without a pang of hurt piercing my heart.  It is a reminder of how big Joshua would be, were he still alive.  I remember being in the Walmart parking lot and seeing a mother sitting in her car gazing lovingly at her baby.  I was not prepared to see that or deal with the overwhelming feelings that came over me.  I did not begrudge that mother her baby.  I just wanted MY baby, and my arms ached with their emptiness. I had to deal with my own grief as well as help my 3 young children try to understand.   Through the love and support of my family and friends, the worship and messages of my church, and most importantly the healing love of Jesus Christ helped me to get through my darkest days. I am not sure where you are in your grief, or what your beliefs are.  Just know that you are not alone.  People care.  God cares.  He is so mind numbingly powerful yet can come in the soft of night to touch your aching heart.
If you'd like to contact me, my email is robtri93@comcast.net 

Take care and God Bless,

Trish Stillman

Our deepest sympathies are with you and your family after hearing of your recent loss.


What makes a Mother......

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today. I asked what makes a Mother and I know I heard him say a Mother has a baby and this we know is true....

But God can you be a Mother when your baby's not with you? Yes, you can He replied with confidence in His voice. I give many women babies when they leave is not their choice. Some I send for a lifetime and others for a day and some I send to feel your womb but there's no need to stay. I just don't understand this God, I want my baby here. He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear.I wish I could show you what your child is doing today. If you could only see your child smile and play with other children and hear them say....

"We go to earth to learn our lessons of love, life and fear. My Mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here. I feel so lucky to have a Mommy who had so much love for me. As I learned my lesson very quickly my Mommy set me free. I miss my Mommy oh so much but I visit her each and every day. When she goes to sleep on her pillow's where I lay. I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear. Mommy don't be sad today I'm your baby and I'm here".

So you see my dear sweet one your children are okay your babies are here in My home and this is where they'll stay. They'll wait for you with Me until your lesson there is through and on the day that you come home they'll be at the gates waiting for you. So now you see what makes a Mother it's the feeling in your heart, it's the love you had so much of right from the very start. Though some on Earth may not realize until their time is done, remember all the love you have and know that you are a special Mom!!

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